It's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!/Script (2024)

[Nikki, Caitlin, and Wyatt are inside El Sporto's. A waitress sets a bowl of nachos on the table.]
Waitress: "One Kitchen Sink Nachos. Knock yourselves out."
Nikki: "I think you are my favorite person in the whole world."
Waitress: "That's real nice, honey. Know what'd be nicer? A big tip." [She leaves. The three dig in as Jen walks up.]
Jen: "Hey guys. What's up?" [She crams several bites of nachos into her mouth.]
Nikki: "Not much, Jaws."
Caitlin: "Is everything okay?"
Jen: "It was, until she came back."
Nikki: "Uh oh. Courtney's back in town?"
Wyatt: [to Caitlin] "Jen's older sister."
Jen: "Make that Jen's prettier, does everything better than me, everyone loves her more older sister."
Wyatt: "You're just as pretty as she is."
Jen: "When was the last time you saw her?"
Wyatt: "Maybe when I was twelve."
Jen: "Trust me. She's prettier."
Caitlin: "How come I haven't met her?"
Jen: "She's been away at–" [in air quotes] "–university."
Nikki: "Doesn't she usually go skiing for Spring Break?"
Jen: "Apparently, all her fabulous friends with chalets are sick, so she's here, just dying to ruin my life!"
Jonesy: [offscreen] "He's right behind us, dude!"
[Jonesy and Jude run into the restaurant.]
Jude: "Dive, dive!" [They hide under their friends' table. Ron rushes in.]
Ron: "Yo!" [skidding to a stop] "Okay, which way did those punks go?"
Wyatt: [flatly] "Who?"
Ron: "Don't play games with me, maggot. I saw them come this way."
Caitlin: [giggling] "What's that stuff all over your face?"
Ron: "Those two covered my walkie with shoe polish. When I get through with them, they'll wish they were never born."
[Under the table, Jude and Jonesy giggle.]
Nikki: [kicking Jonesy] "Ssh!"
Jonesy: "Ow!"
Ron: "What was that?"
Nikki: "Uh, what was what, sir?"
Ron: "I distinctly heard a noise."
Jen: "I didn't hear anything."
[Jude shifts and bumps into Caitlin.]
Caitlin: "Ow!" [Ron turns to her.] "Did you mean, a noise like that? I heard it too. And it's really annoying."
Wyatt: "I'd wash that shoe polish off, or it might stain your face."
Ron: "What did you say, scum?"
Wyatt: [cowed] "It's just an opinion."
[Ron, accepting this, leaves the restaurant. Jude and Jonesy crawl out from underneath the table.]
Jonesy: [laughing] "Did you see his face?"
Jude: "Dude."
Jonesy: "Jude."
[They bump fists.]

[The teens walk through the mall.]
Jen: [agitated] "I can't help it, she makes me crazy!"
Nikki: [to Jude and Jonesy] "Big sis is back for the week."
Jonesy: [gasping] "Hot babysitter Courtney's back?" [He sighs.] "Ahh."
Jude: "Dude. She is so hot."
Jonesy: "We used to beg our parents to call her. I think I even chipped in my allowance once!"
Wyatt: "Remember the white jean jacket?"
Jonesy: "With the tight ripped jeans?"
Jude: "Dude..."
Jen: [annoyed] "Oh yeah. Today's gonna be fun. I'm just gonna have to face the fact that as soon as she gets here, I'm gonna lose all of my friends."
Nikki: "No you're not. You're our friend."
Caitlin: "Best friends! She could never replace you."
Jonesy: "Right. Who cares if she's hot?"
Courtney: [offscreen] "Hi."
[The guys stop and gasp. Courtney is incredibly hot.]
Jonesy: [shocked] "Who's your daddy."
Jude: [stunned] "Hello..."
Courtney: "I'm Courtney."
[The guys gaze at Jen's big sister lustfully.]
Jen: "Great." [She sighs.]

[The gang and Courtney have moved to the Big Squeeze.]
Courtney: "So, since Tiffany was sick, and Brandi's beach house was being renovated, I just came back home."
Jonesy: "Well I for one, am glad you did."
Jude: "I think you're really hot." [Caitlin rolls her eyes.]
Caitlin: [annoyed] "Men."
Courtney: "This town is kinda beat, but we can still have some fun, right Flash?"
Jonesy: "Flash?" [Jen looks shocked.]
Wyatt: "Oh, there's a story here."
Jen: "Don't you dare tell them, Courtney!"
Courtney: "Okay, okay! Just a nickname Jen picked up when she was little. So, what's everybody doing today?"
Jen: "We have to work, remember?"
Jonesy: "Whoa! I'm gonna be late for my new job! Dudes, why don't you come check out my new gig? C'mon!" [He shoves his male friends.]
Wyatt: "Okay, fine."
Jude: "Alright, alright."
Courtney: "Bye, boys."
Wyatt: "Bye."
Jude: "Later."
Jonesy: "See you, beautiful." [They leave.]
Courtney: "Can you believe how long it's been since I've been to this little mall, Flash?"
Jen: [growling] "I'm going to work. See you later." [She leaves.]
Courtney: "What about you two? Wanna hang out?"
Nikki: "Huh? I think I hear the Clones calling. The low-slung cords just came in."
Courtney: "You work at the Khaki Barn? I used to work there! Maybe I'll drop by later."
Nikki: [shrugging] "It's a free world." [She leaves.]
Courtney: "Okay. I guess it's just you and me."
Caitlin: [giggling nervously] "Looks like."

[Nikki and Jen pass by the pharmacy.]
Jen: "She always does this! Just waltzes in and steals all my friends."
Nikki: "Well, maybe she was just being friendly. She could've changed."
Jen: "Do you even remember Jeremy?"
Nikki: "The guy from tennis camp?"
Jen: "Uh-huh. She stole him from me! He kissed me, and then she stole him! Because she had bigger boobs!"
[Jen notices that people are staring and stops talking.]
Nikki: "Oh yeah. Uch. What a skeeze he was."
Jen: "And Samantha! My best friend in Grade Two? She stole her too!"
Nikki: [skeptical] "Okay, okay, how could she steal a best friend?"
Jen: "She had way better Barbies!" [She gasps.] "Do you see what's happening?" [paranoid] "She's already got you defending her!"
Nikki: "I'm not! But you have to deal with her. Sisters don't just go away."
Jen: "Unfortunately."
Nikki: "Don't worry! We're not going anywhere. No matter how many Barbies she has."
Jen: [relieved] "I guess you're right. I don't need to worry about you guys."

[Jonesy's new job is at a photography place. Wyatt and Jude are playing with the costumes.]
Jude: [wearing a horned helmet] "Check it out, dudes, I'm a Viking!"
Wyatt: [in a cowboy hat] "Grab some sky, Viking."
Jude: "Kiss my axe, cowboy!"
Jonesy: [walking over to them] "If you two losers are finished, can we talk about something important? Like, how hot is Jen's sister!"
Wyatt: "She is outstanding, dude! I mean, I remember her being cute, but–"
Jude: "Let me try to put it into words. AAAAHHH-HAAAA! FIRE, DUDES! Sss!"
[The guys laugh.]
Wyatt: [calming down] "I love older women."
Jude: "Me too. There's something cool about knowing that she used to tuck me into bed in my Underoos."
Jonesy: "Oh yeah. We were just dumb kids."
Wyatt: "And now we're men of the world. I've had my heart broken–"
Jonesy: "I've gone on a date with Nikki–"
Jude: "I've thrown up in my girlfriend's mouth–"
Jonesy: "Yep, I guess we've all been through the fire and can truly call ourselves men." [Jude farts.] "Ah, dude!"
Wyatt: "Sick!"
Jude: "Sorry. Kin-kinda snuck up on me."
[The three cough in the fumes. Jonesy's phone rings.]
Jude: "Aren't you gonna answer it?"
Jonesy: "No way! It's probably that Lydia chick."
Wyatt: "The one from Battery Stop?"
Jonesy: "Yeah. She's hot and all, but she's way too clingy."
Wyatt: "Like how?"
Jonesy: "Like she's been calling me ten times a day! Showing up everywhere I go!" [The store phone rings, and Jonesy heads off to answer it.] "Yello, Glitter Shots. We put you in the picture and dress you up funny."
Lydia: "Hi Jonesy! It's me!"
Jonesy: [covering the receiver] "It's her!" [Jude and Wyatt gape.] "Uh, Lydia, hi! How are you?"
Lydia: "I'm great! I just wish I could see you right now."
Jonesy: [uncomfortable] "I wish I could see you too."
Lydia: "Your wish–" [doubled] "–is my command."
Jonesy: "Huh?"
Lydia: [behind him] "Hi!"
Jonesy: [shocked] "Guh, Lydia! Nice to see you."
Lydia: "Oh, I missed you so much!" [She pulls him into a hug.] "Every minute we're apart is an eternity."
Jonesy: [freeing himself] "Yeah. Right. Um, so I'd love to hang out, but uh–"
Wyatt: "Ahem." [He is dressed as a knight, with Jude as his princess.] "Can we speed this up, son? My wife and I have been waiting for fifteen minutes for our picture."
Jude: [in a falsetto] "That's right. Hurry up."
Jonesy: "Right with you!" [to Lydia] "Sorry, I have to get back to work. You know how it is."
Lydia: "Yeah, you're dedicated to your art."
Jonesy: "Well ah–I don't know if I'd call it art."
Lydia: "Well, I'll see you later! And dream about you until then!" [She kisses Jonesy's cheek and leaves.]
Jonesy: [sighing relievedly] "Thanks guys, you rock."
Jude: [in a falsetto] "Anytime, dude."

[Jen has just made a sale at her job.]
Jen: "Thanks for shopping at the Penalty Box. Have a good day!"
Coach Halder: "Good work, Masterson. That's a new sales record! MVP all the way."
Jen: "Thanks Coach! I do my best."
[Jen picks a basketball up off the counter and turns around only to encounter Caitlin and her sister.]
Caitlin: "Jen! I had no idea your sister was so cool!" [Jen gets a thousand-yard stare.] "She took me to the best shops."
Courtney: "Don't be so modest. You have an eye for halter tops that blows my mind."
Caitlin: "I do? Really?"
Jen: [shellshocked] "It's all happening again."
Courtney: "So this is where you work! I could never work here, it smells like gym socks. But it totally suits you. You even get to dress like a guy."
Jen: "It's a referee's uniform, for your information."
Courtney: [to Caitlin] "The joke in our family was that Jen was the brother we never had."
Jen: "I like sports, so what?"
Courtney: "Oh, don't get me wrong, sports are cool." [She grabs the basketball from Jen and tosses it through a hoop.]
Caitlin: [amazed] "Wow."
Courtney: "I was on the team that won the city championship." [to Jen] "But your team's good too. Didn't you get to the quarters?"
Jen: [irritated] "Semis."
Courtney: "Right." [leaving] "C'mon Cait, let's hit the Khaki Barn!"
Caitlin: [clapping] "Okay!" [looking at Jen] "Unless...you want...me to stay?"
Jen: "No, go."
Courtney: [as they leave] "Catch you later, Flash."
[Angry, Jen picks up the basketball and attempts to dunk it. She breaks the hoop.]
Coach Halder: [hearing the hoop break] "Wha-bup-alright, that's coming out of your salary, Masterson!"

[Jude is now manning the cash register at Glitter Shots. Beside him is Pokey the Panda.]
Lydia: "So, you don't know when he'll be back?"
Jude: "No, he went out and said specifically to tell you he didn't know when he was gonna be back?"
Lydia: "Hmm. Well, give him this gift for me." [She rifles through her purse.]
Jude: "What is it?"
Lydia: "It's an anatomically accurate life-size sculpture of my heart! I did it from an MRI I had last year." [Jude and Pokey glance at each other.] "I would've made a model of my soul to go with it, but–it's invisible to Magnetic Resonance Imaging."
[Lydia hands the heart to Jude and walks out. As soon as she's gone, Pokey removes his head, revealing himself as Jonesy.]
Jude: "Dude, that is one freaky chick." [He tosses the heart to Jonesy.]
Jonesy: "Welcome to my nightmare."

[Nikki is folding clothes at the Khaki Barn when Caitlin comes up to her.]
Caitlin: "Hey Nikki!"
Nikki: "Hey, what's up?"
Caitlin: "Courtney convinced me to take the day off to shop."
Nikki: "Aren't you gonna get in trouble?"
Caitlin: "Maybe, but she's a color genius."
[Jen creeps up to the door of the Khaki Barn with a headset on and looks in.]
Nikki: "Where's our friend Jen?"
Caitlin: "She had to stay at work. Ooh! The new hoodies have arrived!"
[Caitlin rushes off to look at the display. Courtney sidles up to Nikki.]
Courtney: "So, Jen really admires you, you know."
Nikki: "She is my best friend."
Jen: [suddenly next to them] "That's right! And I'm her best friend! And no amount of boobs is going to change that!"
Kirsten: "Wow, that girl's so pretty! How come I don't know her?"
Nikki: [pointing in a random direction] "Look, isn't that Avril Lavgine?"
Kristen: "Omigosh, where?"
Kristen and Kirsten: "EEE!"
[The two clones rush off to try and find the celebrity.]
Courtney: "It must be hard for you, working here."
Nikki: "What do you mean?"
Courtney: "Well you know, the Khaki Barn employs child labor in India."
Nikki: "Uch, yeah, it's disgusting."
Courtney: "That's what I think is so cool about you. You're working from within the system to change things."
Nikki: "Yeah well, I try to sell as little as humanly possible."
Jen: "Oh, please! Can't you see she's playing you?"
Coach Halder: [through her headset] "Masterson! We need a price check on tube socks! Stat!"
Courtney: "Oop, sounds like they need you at work."
Jen: "Uch, fine! Just remember who your friends are." [She storms out of the store.]
Courtney: "Well that was dramatic. We're going for a coffee. When do you get off? I could give you some tips on how to keep your sales down."
Nikki: "I kind of make my own hours. Cait, you coming?"
Caitlin: "Wait for me!" [She follows them out with some new purchases.]

[Caitlin, Wyatt, Jude, Nikki, and Jonesy have met up with Courtney inside Grind Me.]
Courtney: [telling a story] "...and that's when Flash fell into this huge pile of dog poo! She got it all over her dress."
[Right on cue, the teens laugh.]
Jude: "You're really funny. And hot."
Wyatt: [to a recently-arrived Jen] "Hey, Jen! I hear your cousin's wedding was a real stinker!"
Jen: [shocked] "You told them the dog poo story?"
Courtney: "They dragged it out of me."
Jonesy: [wearing a sombrero and fake mustache] "And the Flash story! So you used to run around the backyard naked, huh? Do you ever still do that?" [Jen growls.]
Jen: "I can't believe this is happening."
Wyatt: "Relax, Flash, we've all had embarrassing moments."
Jen: "Don't call me Flash!!!"
[Shocked by this outburst, Wyatt spills his coffee on his crotch.]
Wyatt: "Aah!"
Courtney: "So, Jonesy, what's with the outfit?"
Jonesy: "I'm incognito." [He gasps and ducks his head.]
Lydia: "Has anyone seen Jonesy?" [She is holding a Cubist portrait of Jonesy.] "I have a present for him."
Courtney: "I think I saw him at the arcade. He was looking for you."
Lydia: "Really? Thanks!" [She scurries out of the store.]
Jonesy: [relaxing again] "Ah. How can I ever repay you?"
Courtney: "I know! Let's all get our pictures taken together at Jonesy's store!"
Jonesy: "Not what I had in mind, but that could be fun too."
Jude: "Sounds good, let's roll." [They get up.]
Courtney: "Coming, Flash?"
Jen: "I knew it. It happens every time."

[The seven are decked out in various costumes.]
Courtney: "Alright. I'm the warrior queen, Jonesy, you and Jude are my war chiefs–you stand beside me–"
Jude: "Wicked."
Jonesy: "All right!"
Courtney: "Nikki, you're my trusty sidekick. Wyatt, you're my scribe."
Wyatt: "Cool."
Nikki: [playing with a sword] "Oh, I like this. Can I borrow it?"
Caitlin: "What about me?"
Courtney: "You're the princess. And Flash?"
Jen: "Jen. My name is Jen."
Courtney: "Sorry. Jen. You get to be the evil swamp hag."
Jen: "No way."
Courtney: "Come on, it'll be fun."
Jen: "Forget it! I am not your evil swamp hag!"
Courtney: "Why are you being such a baby?"
Jen: "I am not being a baby! I just don't want to be the evil swamp hag, okay!"
[Jen's friends look at her, the situation made awkward by her sudden outburst. Jen rolls her eyes.]
Jen: "Fine. Just give me the costume."

[Soon, the picture is taken. Jen lies on the ground, trampled underfoot by Courtney, who has taken her friends along for the ride.]
Wyatt: "That's a great picture."
Caitlin: "Jen, the look on your face is priceless!"
Jude: "Yeah, you really look like you wanna kill Queen Courtney." [He laughs.]
Jen: "Acting's all about motivation."
Courtney: "I have an idea. Let's go to X-S!"
Nikki: "The dance club?"
Courtney: "It just opened. I hear it's hot."
Jude: "Dude, I heard the bouncers there were all 6-foot-4 ex-wrestlers."
Jen: "Yeah, and we don't have ID. We're sixteen, remember?!?"
Courtney: "Are you guys gonna let a little thing like ID stop you?"
Jonesy, Caitlin, Jude, Nikki, Wyatt, and Jen: "Hmm..."
Courtney: "So uncreative for youngsters. Come on. Courtney's gonna teach you all a little trick."

[What follows is a montage where all six teens get their pictures taken. Courtney then puts the pictures into the computer, and has soon enough made fake IDs for all of them.]
Courtney: "Voila! You're all officially 21."
Jonesy: "That is the coolest thing I have ever seen a girl do!"
Courtney: [to Jen] "You know, if you keep scowling like that, you're gonna get old." [Jen growls.]
Caitlin: "Wow! I really look twenty-one!"
Jude: "Hey, awesome!" [worried] "Hey, what if we get caught?"
Courtney: "I thought you were the chilled out one."
Jude: "Alright, okay, it's chill, I am chill."
Courtney: "Cool. Then let's go shake some booty."
Jonesy: "Cool."
[Everyone but Jen moves to leave, cheering. Before Courtney can get past, Jen grabs her arm.]
Jen: "Court, this has got to stop. You could get them in real trouble."
Courtney: "Relax, it'll be fun. You know, 'fun'?"
Jen: "Oh, I know how to have fun, but not by sneaking into a bar!"
Courtney: "You're just jealous that they like me better than you." [She leaves.]
Jen: "Uch! That's it. She might be prettier, and hotter, and cooler, but she's not funner!" [thinking about the phrase] "More fun. AAAAH!"

[A huge crowd is outside Club X-S. Courtney waits with all of the teens–except Jen. A teenager passes them and heads for the door to the club, but the bouncer blocks his way.]
Tattoo Muscle Guy: "No ID, no entry."
Teen: "Musta...left it in my other pants?"
[Without a word, the bouncer picks up the unfortunate boy, folds him up, and puts him into a trash can.]
Jude: "Whoa! Told you, bro! That dude could crush you like a can!"
Wyatt: "Maybe we should come back when we're thirty, just to be safe."
Jonesy: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going in."
[Jonesy heads for the door and flashes his ID at the bouncer, who lets him in. Once inside, Jonesy waves his friends towards the bar.]
Wyatt: "It worked! C'mon, guys!"
[The other five head into the club. However, someone is watching them through binoculars.]
Ron: "Finally. I've got those maggots right where I want them."

[The five teens and Courtney are chilling at one side of the club.]
Jude: "Dude, this place is awesome!"
Wyatt: "Sick sound system!"

[Outside the club, Darth is being held upside-down by the bouncer. Soon, though, the bouncer is distracted by a redhead in a short, tight pink dress. She flashes her ID, and he waves her into the club.]

[Caitlin and Courtney are dancing in the club.]
Caitlin: "This is so fun! Hey, where's Jen?"
Courtney: "Probably at home with Mom. She's about as much fun as a math quiz."

[The redhead in the pink dress walks through the club. She comes upon the five teens, and Jonesy drops his drink in shock.]
Jonesy: "No way! Jen?"
Courtney: "Hey, that's my dress!"
Jude: "Whoa. You're hot."
Jen: "So you don't think I'm fun enough, huh? Well how fun is this!"
[Jen begins to dance, and her friends cheer. After a few seconds, however, the straps holding up her dress break, and Jen is left topless, although she doesn't immediately notice it.]
Caitlin: "Jen? Your dress–is kind of–not there."
[Jen stops dancing, looks at her bare chest, screams, and runs into a restroom.]
Caitlin: [sympathetic] "Poor Jen! This is so embarrassing!"
Courtney: [laughing] "It's even better than the time she fell in the poop!"
Caitlin: [shocked] "How can you be so mean? She's your sister!"
Courtney: "Oh come on, it was funny!"
Nikki: [angry] "I'll go see if she's all right." [She bumps into Ron.]
Ron: "Nobody's going anywhere." [The bouncer grabs the back of Jude's shirt.]
Jude: "Uh-oh." [The bouncer picks him up.]
Courtney: [holding out her ID] "Officer, I'm not with these kids."
Ron: [looking it over] "Your papers seem to be in order." [to the others] "You're all coming with me until the police arrive to arrest you."
Caitlin: [desperate] "But I'm really twenty-one! She's my friend, ask her!"
Ron: "Can it, lemon girl."
[Jen rushes back out just in time to see her friends being taken away.]
Courtney: "Hey Flash, you fixed my dress."
Jen: "Some friend you are."
Courtney: "They aren't really my friends. They're yours."
Jen: "Oh no." [grabbing Courtney] "They're our friends now." [She hauls Courtney away.]
Courtney: "Hey!"

[Jen is lecturing Courtney as she drags her sister through the mall.]
Jen: "...and being a friend comes with a certain amount of responsibility!"
Courtney: "Listen to you! Always Mom and Dad's little star."
Jen: "Are you kidding me?!? All they ever talk about is how proud of you they are! Winning that stupid beauty pageant! Being in university! It's always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!"
Courtney: "Yeah well that's all gonna change."
Jen: "What do you mean?"
Courtney: "I'm not home because it's Spring Break, Jen. I'm home because they kicked me out of school."
[Jen gapes.]
Jen: "So you flunked out?" [overjoyed] "That's awesome!" [realizing] "I mean, y'know, you're not perfect. After all."
Courtney: "I never was! You're the one they're proud of. You work so hard, and now you have these great friends? I'm the one who's jealous of you!"
Jen: "Really?"
Courtney: "Swear. So, are we friends again?"
Jen: [sighing] "Yeah. But I'm still mad at you for stealing that guy from me."
Courtney: "Well now that everyone knows you have boobs of your own, that shouldn't be a problem." [They hug.] "Love ya."
Jen: "Love you too." [serious] "Okay. The gang's in trouble. What're we gonna do?"
Courtney: "I always have a backup plan."

[The five have been thrown in mall jail. Jude rattles a tin cup against the cell bars until Nikki takes it away from him.]
Jude: "Dude, this is like harshing on my mellow."
Ron: "Your whining won't get you anywhere with me, son."
Nikki: "You can't keep us here."
Jonesy: "I demand my phone call."
Jude: "Ooh, good call! Order a pizza."
Ron: [standing up] "No phone calls until you're officially under arrest. No, for these next few minutes, you're all mine. And I'm going to savor them. Like the smell of a jungle foxhole at dawn." [He inhales.] "Jungley. And foxy. With a touch of hole." [A hand taps him on the shoulder.]
Courtney: "We've come to get our friends."
Ron: "Nothing–" [He gasps, as do those in the cell. Jen has found a picture of Ron in a mankini.]
Courtney: "This would make a great promo poster for the store, don't you think, Jonesy?"
Jonesy: [catching on] "Heck yeah!"
Ron: [worried] "You'll give me the photo if I let them go?"
Jen: "Clear their records, and it's yours."
[Ron rushes over and opens the cell door.]
Ron: "Out. All of you."
Jude: [holding up the tin cup] "Sweet. Can I keep this as a souvenir?"
Ron: "Out. SOLDIER!"
[Jude drops the cup and gets out of the cell.]
Courtney: "Pleasure doing business with you." [She and her sister turn to go.]
Jen: "Never mess with the Masterson sisters!" [to Courtney] "Where did you get that?"
Courtney: "I found it in the back files at Glitter Shots."

[The gang are sitting around the table. Courtney is nowhere to be seen.]
Wyatt: "Yep, I don't think that rent-a-cop'll be bugging us for a while."
Caitlin: "I can't believe I almost got arrested! Again!"
Jude: "So where's the freaky chick, dude?"
Jonesy: "I let her down easy. She had a severe case of Jonesyitis."
[Lydia suddenly appears behind Jonesy.]
Lydia: "Jonesy! Where have you been?"
Jonesy: "Uh, I broke up with you, remember?"
Lydia: "That doesn't mean we can't still go out!"
Jonesy: "Actually, it does."
Lydia: "Let's have our picture taken together!"
Jonesy: "Let me think about that. Mmm...no. Plus, I got fired from the picture place. They found the fake ID files."
Lydia: "C'mon. It'd be really romantic."
Nikki: [standing up] "Okay, that's enough."
Lydia: "Who're you?"
Jonesy: [putting his arms around Nikki] "She's my new girlfriend."
Lydia: "Girlfriend?"
Nikki: "Girlfriend?"
Jonesy: "Uh–"
Nikki: "Oh, yeah. I-I'm his girlfriend. He's my man." [Jonesy nods.]
Lydia: "You two don't look like a couple."
Jonesy: "We are. We go for walks, we uh, eat things together, and we um, we uh–"
[Nikki pulls Jonesy into a passionate liplock. When she finishes, she drops him.]
Nikki: "There. Now do you get the picture?"
Lydia: "You don't have to be rude about it." [She walks off in a huff.]
Jonesy: [discombobulated] "Nikki, I–you–wanna go out to–food–with me–dinner?"
Nikki: "I'll think about it." [She pushes him over, and Jonesy collapses with a sigh.]
Jude: "Whoa. I think there's a lot about chicks that I don't understand."
Wyatt: "Got that right."